I am Sick. Sick Sick Sick.
Somebody save me.
Cold+Cough+Running & Blocked Nose+Sneezing+Sore Throat+Ulcer+Itchy Scratchy Roof Of Mouth+Unability To Sleep Without Taking Panadols=AGONY.
I don't know why i bothered to make my entry so colourful... Gah. So I didn't go to school today, and I went late to school yesterday cos i went to see the doctor, which was really annoying cos apart from taking a number, i had to wait a whole 2 hours before i got to see her. I went home n got changed into my school uniform, and had my lunch, then went again just in time. The whole procedure lasted maybe 3 minutes, and the result? S$37.00. For lozenges, vitamin C pills, throat inflammation pills and ulcer medication. So bloody expensive, its like almost 100 ringgit.
Then I went to school a little late for chem and maths lectures, i was supposed to go home after that to avoid getting sicker but NO. My wonderful civics teacher would not let me go home, and said "Since you are already here, why not stay another hour?" Cos i had Project Work tutorial n lecture after that.
PW lecture was stupid. I counted the number of times Ms Bay said the word "OK". It was 558 times. yeah, forgive me. I was sick and bored.
Then i went home, and at night my resistance totally crashed. I couldn't sleep, cos everything came at once. So i just swallowed two panadols. Luckily it made me feel better, n i went to sleep. Woke up feeling slightly better, just the throat. but now its all come back again. Sighhh... I feel like dying.
My granny's back home! They actually rented a real hospital bed for her.. haha. She's still in her cast, poor thing. Gonna take months to heal.
Mommy's coming this weekend, either tomorrow or monday. can't wait! I need someone to manja with since im so ill. Sigh... I have a lunch to attend on Sunday and class outing on Monday.. Wonder if i'll be well by then. Sniff. Cough. Sniffle. Choke. Sneeze. I swear, my nose is like a stupid tap.
I bought a pair of gorgeous earrings today, for 10 dollars!!! :O It's one of those "oh man those look very very expensive, then you check the price and yes you were right it is very expensive" but for my case, it was "oh man those look very very expensive, then i checked the price and i almost died of shock cos it was just 10 dollars." It's purply n pretty, with shiny gems n stuff. It's pretty heavy though, quite formal.
I also went to the Post Office, to get my Microsoft Office at student discount. I got it for 129 for the ORIGINAL. The original price is 888. The great thing about Spore is you get all these nifty discounts cos you have a student ezlink card. Like in McD's, the extra value meal is 6 dollars something but if ure a student you get it at 4 dollars. HAH! And transport wise, its a flat rate too! 65 or 45 cents per journey, mrt and bus respectively.
And also, if you're wondering why im spending more than 200 ringgit on something which malaysians usually get for 10, it's cos my aunt doesnt allow me to use pirated stuff. Yup, so no pirated dvds, cds, not even DOWNLOADING of limewire etc. But it's okay, it's supposed to be honourable to God.
I miss John so much. Im so glad he'll be coming down to see me next weekend! :D AND in august too, cos i have national day holidays most of the week so i get to see him for like 4 days, which is better than the measly two day weekend we initially had. *huggies*
My aunt is lending me her digital camera cos she doesn't use it unless she goes overseas. YAY! I'll be posting up pictures of me n my friends in sg and stuff soon! :)
Oh and i forgot, i watched a lovely lovely musical today. It was soooo nice, one of the best ones i've seen, comparative to Singing In The Rain n Phantom. Actually, phantom of the opera wasn't that good, as in the movie. But oh well, Singing In The Rain still tops my list. I LOVE that show... Gene Kelly is so good. This one is called "De-Lovely". There were performances by Alanis Morissette, Robbie Williams, Natalie Cole, Vivian Green, Diana Krall n Lara Fabian! So cool. The music was really good. And yes, it was on original VCD.
Dinner time! I'm having porridge due to my condition. ARGH. I need to get well. Father, please heal me of my discomfort!!!!! Thank you Jesus. Amen.
*andymay at 7:09 PM
Friday, June 23, 2006
muahahahahahahhhahahahahhhahahhahahahahhahhahahahhaha.
(sorry just had to blab it out)[but then again, its bout time isn't it]
Okiedokie, due to my Singaporean friends asking me why i only put up pics of me and my boyfriend and never update it otherwise, i shall do so now. Why? Because I finally have time.
This last week back in Spore has been pretty busy, have had extra lectures and tutorials. Yesterday my PW group came over again, minus *you know who* and we had tonnes of fun. (not doing our PW work btw). They whacked all my Ruffles and Black Forest Chocolate... haha.. darnit, but it's okay i'll just buy another bag anyway. We interviewed my aunt, and I got to know some juicy details about her romantic life heehee.
Today Mich came over alone... we did Chemistry. Im so proud of us! We did most of our Energetics Tutorial and i managed to finish my Chem TYS (almost), and had lamb chop for dinner. Yum.
Oh and John started work yesterday too... I'm proud of him too. Double... fyi he's working in Hong Leong Bank. :) Ok i realised that my last written post was incomplete... I didn't get to meet Julie, cos I had to go back to spore already... so sad. Sniff. I had to follow my mom's friend Aunty Mona and her two daughters back... it was pretty fun la, we played UNO in the car heehee.
On last tues, John n I went to this YUMMY italian restaurant in SS2. It's really good, I had tuna mushroom and onion pasta with cream sauce. Sounds weird, but it was really really good. john had some mixed tomato n cream sauce pasta hehe. And the prices weren't bad too, bout 15 dollars each. After that Josh came over to John's place and we went to get Emily from her house cos it was her birthday today and the both of us were their official drivers/escorts/chauffers. However u spell it. While they were having dinner at Monte's we decided to go cheap and have McD's... hehe. How unglamorous. After that we went back to Emily's place to cut her cake, then to Mont kiara plaza to watch the football match. Had the worstest most disgustingest shirley temple there ever.
Next day, we went over to Josh's house again just to visit Emilyn and Melissa. We wnt to the mamak and had my first maggi mee goreng in a looong time. It's so sad there's none here in Spore. Then at night my parents had dinner with John n i at Delicious, and then we went back to my house and played wheel of fortune on playstation with aaron n denise.
On my last day, we went to Sakae Sushi for lunch... sucks compared to sg. and watched Shawshank Redemption. Good show. And as a last night meal, he treated me to Marche where he used his credit card. Dum dum dum. Then he bought me a farewell present: The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella! Been wanting that book for sooooo long. I finally got it! I Love You! However, the book is now in the posession of Christina chiang. I felt really heavy hearted to watch him go, but it wasn't so bad cos he was coming over the next morning at 7 to send me to Palace Of The Golden Horses anyway hehe.
Whoever visits me next in spore, i will bring you to NYDC. It's this place that vanessa introduced to me... their deserts are TO DIE FOR. :)
On Sunday, my whole family (in sg) went shopping at Suntec City, but at night tragedy struck, my grandma fell down while dressing and she had a huge bloody gash on her forehead, and she fractured her arm. Poor grandma, she's in lotsa pain.
Since then, i've been going to school everyday for lessons etc. Yup, enough rambling bout all these important-to-me-but-unimportant-to-you-and-everyone-else-unless-you-think-it's-important-to-you things. :)
Notice that I saw John 100% of the days i was back? ;)
Hehe...
Happy Belated Birthday Lil Bro!!!!
Happy Birthday to my Daddy!!!!(will call him tmr)
Happy Birthday to Ah Yee.
*andymay at 10:03 PM
this picture looks so vintage for some reason.
*andymay at 1:28 PM
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
i miss my home. and i miss my long hair. hehehe.
*andymay at 9:39 PM
Saturday, June 17, 2006
.
*andymay at 9:14 PM
haha i look so silly.
*andymay at 9:12 PM
yay!
*andymay at 9:12 PM
hugg!!!!
*andymay at 9:11 PM
:)
*andymay at 9:10 PM
us with the roses.
*andymay at 9:10 PM
guess who. :)
*andymay at 9:08 PM
I Love You.
*andymay at 9:08 PM
Friday, June 16, 2006
Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head. Don't read the questions before you write, and tag 5 people to do this survey.
1.John
2.Joy
3.Emy
4.Josh
5.Aaron
6.Denise
7.Crystal
8.Sam
9.Pei Ling
10.Sharon
11.Eugene
12.Alia
13.Siti
14.Melissa
15.Wendi
16.Xinyi
17.Vanessa
18.Christina
19.Keat Boon
20.Oliver
How did you meet 14?
School! And church. I love the woman, we go a long way back. I miss you!!! You better come down to Singapore when you're back, and pass me back my books.
What would you do if you never met 1?
This question suits him the best. I might as well not be living.
What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
whooaaaaa.. weird match. I'd give them my blessing? and go GO OLI! :D
Did you ever like 19?
Like my beef steak?! hahahahaha.
Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
Like no... first off, they're both girls. And theyr both not lesbians.
Describe 3.
My emmy-boo. :) I love you.
Do you think 8 is attractive?
;) yeah especially the bald head hahahahahaha.
Tell me something about 7.
Crystal? She makes me lie for her alot. :P Happy belated birthday!
Do you know any of 12's family?
Yes! I know her mom and her brother.
What's 18's favourite?
Christina's favourite thing in the whole wide world : FOOD
What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
No wayyyyy, he's my brotherrrrrr.
Who is 9 going out with?
Pei Ling is miiiinneeeee. Ok fine, she's not going out with anybody.
How old is 16 now?
Xinyi is 19 this year!!! :) She is also coming to NUS, yayyyyy.
When was the last time you talked to 13?
On my last day in singapore... at school. and online, on the webcam.
Who's 2 favourite band/singer?
Uhm weird question for Joy.
Would you date 4?
No, cos that would be infidelity. muahahaha. both ways.
Would you date 7?
Ahhhh.. incest.
Is 15 single?
yup. as far as i know.
What's 10's last name?
NG LI YEN!!
Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
Look above.
Which school does 3 go to?
Hartamas...
Where does 6 live?
In my house.
Whats your favourite thing about 5?
errr.. aaron's a brat. but i love my brother anyways :)
I tag my sweetheart, Pei Ling and Melissa. Too bad.
*andymay at 9:43 PM
Monday, June 12, 2006
The next day was our 2nd Year Anniversary... :) We went to Shangrila for dinner. It's so crazy, one pot of tea cost 20 dollars! Gah... shouldnt have ordered that. But anyway it was a very special night, he came into my house with flowers n my sister was the official photographer!
all the pictures are in his cam, gotta wait for him to send it to me. It was a complimentary buffet dinner, and it was really yummy!
On Friday, hehe. we played basketball. Yupp!!! Just two of us, it was quite funny. Then after that we jumped into the pool to cool off. Went to Chilli's for dinner. After that, John went to see Kevin n Celeste but a motorcycle hit him so he was immobilized for half a day hahaha. Then Saturday was cell outing! Yayyyy.. got to see all (ok fine, some) of my cell members. Pei peiii shealin rachel and blablabla... then at night I got to see Joshy and chris wee... yippee. hehe... Watched Benchwarmers, so funny. Then we had dinner at Nando's, John, Emy and Debbie joined us later.
Sunday was our first service in the new church building. The building is great. I felt so at home, and so overwhelmed by the presence of God. I got to see everybody almost, and Ps Kay as well! :) I wish I could stay there forever, but too bad i''ll be going back to singapore this weekend. Sigh, I miss SIB so much. Hopefully I get to go for NarrowStreet service this Saturday! Hehe..
After service a few of us went to the Curve. We had Paddington's House of Pancakes, so expensive la the place. Me n my sis were so completely broke that day cos it was Crystal's birthday, and we bought her sunnies and had dinner at Ikea. The meatballs were so filling, it was hard to walk after that. Graham sent us home! Which was pretty scary since it was his 3rd day holding his license hahaha. Happy birthday Crys! I love you, hope you had a good day with us. She got a Guess bag frm her bf for her birthday, she's one happy girl heehee.
Today was fun. Met up with Shannon in one u again, she was working out at the gym. We had lunch at Old Asia, which was pretty good n cheap. Three of us (John, Shan n I) were supposed to watch a movie but the timings weren't right, and whatever John n i watched already, she hadn't watched n vice versa so we couldn't decide anyway. So............... we went BOWLING!!!
Haha, that was extremely fun. We played 3 rounds cos we just couldn't get enough. It was okay though, cos we got student discount. Shan didn't have a student card but the lady was nice so she allowed all three of us to get it with John's and my card. 3.50 a game, not too bad. I owned the first round! Kept sparing n sparing. Then John won the 2nd he got 3 strikes in a row woohoo! And Shan won the 3rd hehe.. it was so funny. All of us hadn't bowled for a while, kinda missed it. broke all my nails though hahaha... it was time to cut them anyway, they were too long.
Yup, that's been a summary of my week so far. I'll be so sad to go back to Sg :( But i do miss my aunts n all there, so yeah. Won't be too difficult to go back since I like school. Oh! shan might be coming to singapore to do her a levels next year as well. And Vanessa's coming in a month! :D (i'd say migrating but she hates the thought of it so.. yeah.)
Ok my plans for the rest of the week : go for dinner and drinks with john josh n ness tmr night
: meet julie on wednesday (haven't seen her since std 6)
Yupp! That's all, finally got a chance to blog bout my week. So tired...
* get over it you stupid fool. roll your eyes again and i'll poke them out. i didn't do shit. i'm back and it has absolutely nothing to do with you, and i'm glad. *
*andymay at 6:55 PM
Saturday, June 03, 2006
I found a very good article recently... about the topic abovementioned.
I just wanna post this up here as encouragement for my family members and for anyone else who might have suffered similar grief.
What is grief?
Grief is an emotion of loss. Perhaps you have felt that emotion when a parent or your spouse moved away after a divorce, when you broke up with a boy- or girlfriend, or when you moved away from your old neighborhood. Even losing a valued object (such as a class ring or some other memento) or an important ball game creates a sense of grief. There's a feeling of separation and loss.
Grief and love are two very similar emotions --if you're capable of love, you are capable of grief. Only a person who never loves never grieves. When you love someone, you feel a oneness and fulfillment with that person. But you also open yourself up to the possibility for grief--when he or she break-ups with you, moves away or dies. The relationship is over and that strong emotion of love mutates like some hideous sci-fi monster into equally strong grief.
"Grief," then, is the B-side side of love. Love expresses emotional oneness, grief expresses emotional separation. "Mourning" is the long, painful process of working through that grief. (In other words, grief is what we feel, mourning is how we react to it.) It's natural to feel up one day and down the next. The strong feelings of grief may seem frightening when we first feel the full force of this powerful emotion. But like other emotions, it's "normal," natural," and "okay."
Each person, however, responds differently to a single death. In the case of a famous person, the grief may be very short-lived since you didn't know them personally. But, on the other hand, if you had a strong emotional attachment to that famous person--who didn't know you--there may be intense grief. Here are some general patterns in how most people experience grief.
Stage One: Shock, numbness, disbelief (one to three days)
"I just can't believe it!" When you first heard the news, you probably felt immediate sense of shock and disbelief. Like "denial" in the dying process, disbelief insulates our emotions so we can deal with immediate demands. If it is a close loved one there may be the tasks of notifying friends and relatives, calling our pastor, letting the school know we'll be out for a few days, cleaning the house for visitors, and so on.
Once the initial numbness wears off, it's normal to cry--everything from watery eyes to uncontrollable sobbing. Crying is a healthy emotional expression of grief, so don't feel that you're being "weak." And ignore ignorant cliches like "smile and the whole world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone."
And it's not unusual to feel anger toward the person for dying: "How dare you leave me to suffer like this!" You may feel angry at the medical staff for not saving your loved one's life--even though the doctors and nurses did everything possible. And it's not uncommon to feel angry at God--even if you're a very devout believer. It's "okay"!
Allow these emotions to be expressed to those you can trust with your feelings--your family, your best friend, a therapist, or a clergy person.
Stage Two: Painful longing and preoccupation with memory and mental images (up to one year)
We often think that the funeral is the hardest time for the survivors, so we may bring in food, visit the family, and attend the funeral. But afterward, we assume they've started the work of putting their life back together. Actually, Stage Two becomes most intense between the second and fourth week afterward. The following experiences are strong for about the first three months and then gradually begin to diminish over the next six months to a year:
Painful longing to be with and talk with the dead person
Preoccupation with the death (you can't think of anything else)
Memories of dead person
Mental images of the dead person
Sensing that the dead person is in the same room
Sadness
Tearfulness
Inability to sleep
Lack of concentration
Loss of appetite
Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed
Irritability
Restlessness
You may want to post this list on the refrigerator as fair warning to friends and family members. (In 1800's those grieving bore black "mourning bands" on their arms to announce, "Take it easy on me!")
And don't be afraid to turn to professionals for help during this difficult time. Your doctor may prescribe sleeping pills or tranquillizers so you can sleep nights. School counselors, youth workers, or pastors can provide emotional support and suggestions for overcoming this time of loss. If they can't, they can refer you to those who can.
Stage Three: Resolution and resumption of ordinary life activities (within one year of death)
Starting at about six months, most of us will begin getting back into our normal activities. (Life will never be "normal" again, we can continue many previously "normal" activities.) We'll continue to be broadsided by occasional waves of grief described in Stage Two. But these will become less and less frequent, even though they may be just as intense. Stage Three is summed up with:
Acceptance of the death
Decreasing sadness
The ability to recall past experienced with the deceased with pleasure rather than pain
Resuming ordinary activities.
How should I respond to those grieving?
So how do we respond to those going through the mourning process? By saying stuff like "I understand exactly how you feel." Brrrrrooooonk! Wrong answer!
We may have both lost a grandfather, but there are a kabillion differences between my loss and yours. Things you don't understand or know. What kind of relatioship did we have? Were we close or did we see each other only at Christmas? What were the last words spoken? Were they loving, harsh--or worse--indifferent? What kinds of questions, thoughts, and feelings are churning in my mind? What is my concept of death? Or life after death?
See, you really don't "understand." And neither do I completely understand your loss. But I can help by sharing how I felt at my grandfather's death. And in that way, I'm giving you freedom to share your grief.
An older friend recently told me the advice her aunt gave her at the death of her mother twenty years ago. "Don't embarrass us and your self making a scene by crying." Fortunately, "keeping a stiff upper lip" and squelching our emotions went out of style with my grandfather's ties!
"You don't have to talk about the details of the death," is another innocent, but insensitive statement. We somehow think we'll cause them more pain by them talking about it, but it's actually a part of healing. For instance, when my wife's father died, her mother must have told the story of his death ten times--how she found him collapsed on the dining room floor, how she called 9-1-1, how she tried CPR that she had seen on TV, how she rode with him in the ambulance. But interestingly, each time she told it, she seemed to gain emotional strength and comfort. Talking about the details--even if they're cancer, suicide, drowning, murder, or AIDS--helps us past the denial stage and on to dealing realistically with the death.
So, what the best thing to say? The most helpful thing is:
Yep, you can't go wrong with nothing. A shared tear, a squeezed hand, a hug, or just being there is usally the best help. Whatever you do, don't spout off pat answers.
Where is God in this tragedy?
The book of Psalms is filled with such questions. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why do you refuse to help me or even listen to my groans? Day and night I keep on weeping, crying for your help, but there is no reply" (Psalm22:1-2).
Where is God? He is right there beside us as we struggle with the many questions surrounding the death. He may not write the answers across the sky, but His Son Jesus Christ understands our questions.
Why do good people die so young? Jesus answers, I understand your question. I died at thirty-three.
Why do some people have to die such painful deaths? I understand your pain. I was beaten, whipped, and crucified.
I miss him/her so much here on earth. I understand your grief. I left heaven to come to earth.
Why can't people just live forever and not have to die? I understand the problem. I came to give you eternal life.
God does understand. He wants to hear what you're feeling .
So in review, grief is a normal--but sometimes a confusing and uncontrollable--emotion. And mourning (dealing with grief) is a long, painful process. But remember: you will once again enjoy living and loving, you will get your appetite back, the pain will diminish, you will be able to sleep soundly again and you will be able to enjoy pleasant memories of the deceased.
Copyright © 1992 James N. Watkins
*andymay at 10:25 PM
Thursday, June 01, 2006
I entered the room
Sat by your bed all through the night
I watched your daily fight
I hardly knew
The pain was almost more
than I could bear
And still I hear
Your last words to me.
You just faded away
You spread your wings you had flown
Away to something unknown
Wish I could bring you back.
You’re always on my mind
About to tear myself apart.
You have your special place in my heart
Always...
Heaven is a place nearby
So I won’t be so far away.
And if you try and look for me
Maybe you’ll find me someday.
Heaven is a place nearby
So there’s no need to say goodbye
I wanna ask you not to cry
I’ll always be by your side.
And even when I go to sleep
I still can hear your voice
And those wordsI never will forget.
-Heaven Is A Place Nearby - Lene Marlin
Hearing the song and paying attention to the lyrics... it's really heartbreaking if you get the true meaning. I just hope she knows I'm feeling this way. I hope my tears aren't in vain.
On a lighter note, today was a good day. Christina, Wen Lin, Michelle n Kavita came over today to discuss our Group Project Proposal. We didnt really do much :P we did what we had to and we just hung out the rest of the day. Kavita left early, but the rest n I went to McD's haha. I had a sundae and twisty fries. McD's in Singapore is so expensive, it's like a dollar to dollar. So the sundae which costs about 2 ringgit costs 2 sing dollars as well. Sigh. But anyhow, had lots of fun today. Tomorrow we'll be going off to do our street survey! Yay!. :) I love my GPP members. erm. Yeah. Hehe.
I don't really have the mood to blog bout how good my day was, I just feel so moody again. So I guess I'll go to sleep. Nites.
*andymay at 10:17 PM
